Are you hoping to support a friend on Mother’s Day? Sometimes it’s the smallest holidays that pack the biggest punch. In April of 2016, I had a miscarriage. As Mother’s Day neared that year, I felt a pain that I had never felt before. I felt like I was supposed to be a Mom soon. But I wasn’t… and I was definitely not a Mom in other people’s eyes. Mother’s Day can be hard for lots of reasons. Maybe your friend just recently lost a mother. Or maybe one of their children has passed away. How can you help? This post shares how you can support someone this Mother’s Day.

How to support someone on Mother’s Day

Mention their pain

No matter what you send, speak to their pain. If you know they are struggling today, then you’re not going to hurt them more but recognizing that fact. If they recently lost a mother, say their mother’s name and recall a memory of them that you love. If they have miscarried or experienced pregnancy loss, mention their angel baby by name. You can call them an angel baby or “your baby in Heaven.” Don’t ignore their baby altogether. You are not going to bring them any pain by mentioning their babies. They are thinking of them, I promise. If they lost a living child, recognize the fact that they are not here this holiday and that it sucks.

Send them something

It does not need to be pricey or a large gesture. Send them a card, something you love (like your favorite nail polish or your favorite snack), or just give them a text or call. They will appreciate any recognition that this day is hard for them.

What to say

  • “I’m so sorry. This really sucks.”
  • “I know this Mother’s Day is harder than most. I’m thinking about you.”
  • “This holiday can really suck. You are not alone.”
  • “Thank you for bringing me into this world.”
  • “You are going to make the best mom.”

In 2017, Mother’s Day stung again. We were pregnant with a baby girl who was due April 8, 2017, and we lost her at 22 weeks, pregnant. Again, in everyone’s eyes, I was not a Mom that Mother’s Day. But in my mind, this didn’t make me, or anyone else out there who was hurting, less of a Mother on Mother’s Day. This year, let’s not forget those that have angel babies, are struggling with infertility, have mothers in heaven, or those who are struggling in their relationship with their own mother or children.

What NOT to say to someone suffering from infertility or miscarriage

  • “God has a reason for all of this.”
  • “It will happen when you just relax and don’t think about it!”
  • “As soon as you stop trying, you know you’ll get pregnant.”
  • “Start the adoption process – you’ll get pregnant then!”
  • “I know you miscarried, but at least you know you can get pregnant!”

I’ve created some Mother’s Day cards this season for you to send to Moms in all capacities and to support a friend on Mother’s Day. They may be struggling to have their own children, angel babies, personal relationships, etc, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore the holiday. Reach out and let them know how much they are loved and supported. You can get the cards here. Or make your own! Often, a card is more than enough.

For more advice on supporting your friend

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